I Believed in You
By R. J. F.
The Let Down
Why, famous men? Why do you feel the need to sexually force yourself on people that have told you no? For every person that says no to you, there is a line around the block of people that would say yes. Is it for control? The power? The “wanting what you can’t have”? It seems like it’s become more frequent that we hear about a man of power using his station in life to sexually assault, or attempt to assault someone, and it’s fucking terrible, all around.
Earlier this week, it came to light that Win Butler, frontman for the band Arcade Fire, was accused of trying to coerce and forcefully make sexual advances on four people. Butler has stated that he did, indeed, meet with these people and have sexual encounters, but that he, in no way, was forceful and that the encounters were consensual. Before I could hear of this news myself, my bff sent me a Buzzfeed article which was originally published on Pitchfork, and my heart immediately dropped when I opened the link. I didn’t and don’t want to believe it’s true because I really love Butler and his band, but I usually find that these accusations have a tendency to be real.
I can imagine that other fans are also feeling the same types of emotions. Arcade Fire has an extensive, worldwide fan base, and I wonder what they might also be feeling and thinking about these accusations. It’s never easy to hear that someone you look up to and respect is possibly a sexual predator. The harder pill to swallow is that Butler, for all intents and purposes, seems like a genuinely kind and socially aware person, which is why these accusations are so shocking and seemingly out of left field.
Stand by Your Man
There’s another aspect to think about in these situations, and that’s the girlfriends and wives of these men. Hillary Clinton famously said, after the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal, “You know, I’m not sitting here, some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette, I’m sitting here because I love him, and I respect him, and I honor what he’s been through and what we’ve been through together.” And, stand by her man she did. Even though the president didn’t force himself on Lewinsky, there was an uneven power dynamic at play in that situation, and many people feel that Lewinsky was taken advantage of by the former president. As stated in the Pitchfork article, the victims cite the uneven power dynamic of Butler and themselves as playing a role in the situations.
Butler’s wife, Régine Chassagne, has stated that she knows her husband is innocent and would never try to force himself on a person. She confirms that he has, in fact, been unfaithful to her at various times, but that she had forgiven him for those indiscretions. She is, for now, choosing to stand by and defend her man.
I don’t know what to think about this. One might wonder why a woman would not leave her spouse if he did sexually abuse people, or take advantage of their status in order to obtain sexual favors, and I don’t know that there is a clear-cut answer. I guess the real question is, what does this say about the person that chooses to be tethered to, and defend the accused?
Final Thoughts: The Aftermath
I’m torn. Usually, I can easily write off any offender because they tend to be men that I’m not particularly a fan of, but this isn’t the case with Butler. I have loved Arcade Fire for as long as they’ve been making music. I have also respected Butler for all of his charitable acts over the years. I have invested my heart into their music, have been touched by their lyrics, have seen them in concert, and am supposed to see them in concert in November. Part of me is wondering if I should try to get a refund for my ticket because I don’t want to contribute any support to Butler or the band if these accusations are true. The other part of me wants to wait a little bit to see if the statements are retracted by the victims.
I don’t know what is going to happen next. In my opinion, there are three ways this could shake down.
happens after that, who knows?
Butler will formally admit that he did sexually assault these people. What happens after that, who knows?
Butler will continue to deny any wrongdoing. The victim(s) will take him to court, and he will either be exonerated or formally charged.
This will get swept under the rug as so many sexual assaults by famous men have been in the past. People will move on, forget, and continue to support Butler and Arcade Fire.
For now, I am personally devastated by this news. I am heartbroken for the victims and understand how difficult it must’ve been to step forward and say something against someone who is deeply loved and respected by so many. Maybe I’m naively holding out hope that the statements are untrue because I want to believe so badly that Butler could never do something like this. Time might be able to tell the truth, time might be able to hide the truth, but for now, the letdown is real.
